Everything feels a little more heartbreaking right now because I can’t call my parents for the support I would have typically sought in the past.
If I could call my parents tonight there is so much I would share. I would tell them about all the wonderful things happening in my life, but I would also let the tears fall as I shared what weighs heavy on my heart. In return, I would receive validation, comfort, advice and love.
Tonight, amongst other issues, I would talk about my kids. They know how much I love my kids. God knows how much I love my kids, and my kids know how much I love them. Tonight, despite how much I love them, they are bumming me out.
I could be honest with my parents and they wouldn’t think I was a bad parent. They would know it is because of the immeasurable amount of love and belief I have in my kids is why I feel the way I do.
My two teenagers are unbelievably talented, beautiful and smart. Yet, with a frustration probably not atypical from many other parents, at times I see them disregarding their God given gifts and opportunities. Typical teenage stuff. Prioritizing friends. Procrastinating or not completing homework because video games or Netflix awaits. Distracting themselves with phones that vibrate every 20 seconds with new Snapchat updates. Things they will never remember two weeks from now, let alone two years from now.
As a parent it is the scariest darn thing to see your children not harnessing the gifts and talents God perfectly created when they were in the womb. I panic and my heart breaks every time I think of another door slowly start to close. I want to pull my hair out when I try to understand why they want to do things the hard way. Why make it tougher than it needs to be?
Being a teenager is hard, and parenting is hard. Really hard. It’s a struggle sometimes to make sure our kids know how much we love them, even when we discipline. It’s not easy to make your kids understand how proud you are of them, while continuously encouraging them to be their best. It’s beyond difficult to help them see the daily decisions they are making today are important. Really important.
If I were telling my parents all of this over the phone they would probably remind me their job wasn't any easier.
Life isn’t always laughter, puppy kisses and yoga. Sometimes it’s a knockdown battle you have no choice but to keep fighting.
And sometimes when you don’t have parents to call, imagining the conversation you would have can feel a little bittersweet.