About eight years ago on a particularly busy day at work I needed to leave a little early so I could take my son to his doctor’s appointment.  I raced out of the office feeling stressed and running late.  I was halfway to the doctor’s office and driving like a bat out of hell, when I realized I forgot to pick up my son at school….for his own appointment.

There have been countless times in my life in which I have fallen short in either the mom category or the employee category.  I have attempted to do it all, sometimes feeling like I haven't been doing anything very well.

Up until a few years ago I worked full time while raising kids.  I took a month maternity leave with my son and two months for my daughter.  The short maternity leave wasn’t by choice, but out of necessity. 

For 17 years I worked in a fast paced financial advisory office.  When I started working I was a part time college student and the only paid employee on a two person team.  Eventually I began working full time, and by the time I left the company our team had grown to 12 employees. 

One of the greatest things about where I worked was the flexibility given to me by my boss.  He allowed me to work around the demands of my kid’s schedules, and never made me feel guilty for leaving early when I needed to take my kids to their school events.  He let me work from home when one of them was sick.  But regardless of what he allowed, I felt pressure.  Perhaps it was internal, perhaps it was because of the workload or perhaps I felt pressure to keep up with the rest of my teammates.  I never wanted to shirk on my responsibilities, or fall short in my contribution to the growth of our company.

During my 17 years our production and success grew exponentially.   In my first year we were ranked towards the bottom in production, but by the time I left we were continuously ranked as one of the top five performers in the country out of 14,000 advisors.  It was through the vision of my employer, our individual skill-sets and the collective hard work of the team we achieved these levels.

I often prided myself on the fact I started in the very beginning, working my way up from filing and organizing desk drawers to building merger and acquisition tools used for acquiring other practices.

I was proud of being fully licensed and passing my Series 7, Series 66 and insurance exams all on the first try.

I was proud of how much money I was making and what it afforded my family.

But there were a lot of times during my working years I wasn’t proud of.  Like the time I forgot to pick up my son from school.  Or the time I showed up at the bus stop only to find out the kids had early dismissal all week and I hadn’t made any arrangements.  Or the time I messed up on some mutual fund trades.  Or the times I yelled at my kids because the stress of it all was just too much.

I recently read a great article in Time Magazine called “Why Ambition Isn’t Working for Women”.  It reaffirmed many of the feelings I have had over the years when evaluating and rating my own personal success.  Women often define success by assessing the entirety of their lives…their career, their personal accomplishments, their children’s grades, their physical appearance.   In an attempt to manage it all, inevitably a ball will be dropped, and then we are left feeling anything but successful.

A study was conducted with 1,000 working men and working women.  They were asked about their ambition to move to top level management.  With less than two years in the work force, women outpaced men in their aspiration for promotions.  After two years the number of women who aspired to get to the top diminished by 60% while men remained constant. 

In the article it stated that men are ambitious for positions, titles and results.  Women’s ambition is to be recognized, valued and to be included.   In 2011 there were 12 CEOs of Fortune 500 companies who were women.  Currently, there are 23 Fortune 500 women CEOs which is equivalent to 4.6%.

Women are ambitious. Very ambitious.  We just define it differently than many men.  Ambition for women is much more than having a corner office.  We also want equity in our personal life.  We want balance.  We want it all.

But we have a tall order to fill.  Perform well at our job, earn all 5's in our review, bake Pinterest cupcakes for our child’s classroom....all while looking sexy in a two piece suit.

I don’t have any magic advice for how to be more or less ambitious, more or less successful or how to never fall short in any one of your zillion responsibilities. 

I would only encourage you to ask yourself what success FEELS like to you.   Try not to set expectations for your ambition and success based on someone else’s parameters.  Feel proud of all the hats you wear: employee, manager, mom, wife, chef, event coordinator, housekeeper, chauffeur, tutor, counselor, nurse.  The list is long.  Yes, women are ambitious.

We just need to remember success does not equal perfection.  Success equals many things, but we get to define what that is.  My version of success is loving the life I live and living the life I love. 

And....remembering my kid's names.


 
Ogtrop, Kristin Van. "Why Ambition Isn't Working for Women." Time 28 Sept. 2015: 52-56. Web.

This is an update to my original Running Tips post.  For those of you waiting on bated breath…I have not yet crapped my pants while running.  There is still time though.

Because my knowledge is a mile wide and an inch deep I realized I had some more running tips I should share.

16.   If you get a side ache while running there are things you can do.  I’ve found ‘a’ to be the most helpful.

a. Pinch the side where there is a side ache.  If the stitch is on your right side, exhale FORCEFULLY every time your left foot hits the ground.  If the stitch is on your left side, exhale FORCEFULLY every time your right foot hits the ground.  Continue this until the side ache is less painful or entirely gone.

b.  Run with your hands on top of your head with your elbows pulled back and breathe deeply.

c.   Stop running and bend sideways.  Bend to the left if the side ache is on the right or bend to the right if the side ache is on the left.

d.  If it continues, give up.  Hurry home and google ‘side ache’.  Then lie in bed for the next several nights convinced your side ache is proof you are dying of a deadly disease.

17. Don’t increase your weekly mileage too drastically, otherwise you risk injury. There’s various feedback online about what is a safe increase in mileage.  Generally an increase of 10-20% in weekly mileage is safe.  If you are already putting in some serious miles (hats off to you) then a 10% increase might be enough.  If you are running 4x per week….3 miles each time…you could add 2.5 miles per week and it would be a 20% increase.  Just be conscious.  No need to be a rock star.

18.  Heart rate monitors are helpful.  If you don’t have GPS on your phone or on a watch, the heart rate monitor is your best guide for letting you know if your pace is too fast or if you can increase your pace.  I'll be honest, I've never experienced the latter. Your heart rate is a great gauge for longer races so you don’t burn out a few miles in.

19.  The roller is your best friend.  It hurts so good. Your IT band can tighten up from a lot of running and can cause twinges on the outside of your knee.  Rolling out your IT band on a regular basis helps…a lot.

20. If you need a little more entertainment for your runs, this app is A LOT of fun. 

Zombies, Run!

Be forewarned, if you listen to it while running in the woods on a trail system you are not familiar with, you could become lost while outrunning the zombies.  You will then be forced to call your husband at work, ask him to pull up google maps and guide you back to your car.   Your planned 45 minute run will have turned into a two hour experience.  This leaves you with no choice but to visit Yogurtland on your way home to calm your fears of starving to death.

Bonus tip...Use the bathroom before your race.  Passing people while they wait in line for the Porta Potty is the best, and quite honestly, the only way I can move up in the rankings.


Before I bid you adieu.... this is a follow up to item number 10 in my previous post…  My waist band is from SPIbelt.  I bought mine several years ago at the Rock and Roll Half Marathon. I love it! 

I’ve learned a few things over the years about running.  Nothing Olympic athlete worthy, but I believe they might be helpful for the runner wanna-be like me.

1.  Run so you love it.   Sometimes this means walking five minutes and running one.  Sometimes this means taking it slow.  Let’s face it, I will NEVER win any races.  And frankly, I really don’t care to.  The goal is to have the physical fitness to do an exercise no matter where I am, who I’m with or how little money I have. 

2.   Run consistently.  I’m not good at this, which is why I’m always starting off slow.  :)

3.  Buy good shoes.  It’s worth the investment and cheaper than a gym membership.  It’s important to have your running gait evaluated at some place like Super Jock ‘n Jill or RoadRunner.  If you pronate (roll your ankles inward while running) you need a really supportive shoe.  If your gait is neutral, buying an overly supportive shoe is just as damaging as too little support.  Good shoes are worth the investment.  You should replace them every 300 miles or so.

4.  Perfect the snot rocket.   If you are like me, your nose will run more than a prisoner on a jailbreak. 

5. Pretend you are holding batons in your hands OR pretend you are holding a potato chip in between your thumb and finger.  The idea is to keep your upper body quiet and avoid swinging your arms in front of your body. By keeping your upper body quiet you save energy for your legs.  You also avoid unnecessary twisting which puts stress on your hips.

Try to run like my husband….aka the gazelle. I can only run like him for the first 4 minutes or so and then I spend the rest of the time looking like I’m swatting at bees.  Ryan runs beautifully.  Granted, he weighs about as much as my right leg.  I guess it’s easy to run like a gazelle when you’re packing light.  

In case you are confused, I am the one on the right.  I know, we look virtually the same.

6.  Inhale for three steps and exhale for two.  When you exhale while running you land harder on the first step.  Alternating your breaths will alternate the pressure on each leg.  This helps to prevent hip or knee injuries.  It takes some practice, but over time it becomes natural.

7.  Stretch on a regular basis.  It also helps to prevent injury.  

8.   Do a body scan while running.  When I’m tired and want to quit (which happens quite often) I do a body scan.  How do my legs feel?  Good.  How is my breathing?  Fair.  Okay…I can keep going and don’t need to stop.  

Always remember….YOUR MIND QUITS BEFORE YOUR BODY DOES.  Often times, I have to tell my brain to ‘SHUT UP!’  It listens about as well as my kids do.

9.  Maintain a variety of entertainment on your iPod, iPhone or Walkman (if you're over the age of 80).   Sometimes I feel like listening to podcasts.  Sometimes I feel like listening to an audio book.  Most of the time I listen to my hip-hop, foul-mouthed playlist.  

10.   Waist bands are the best.  With a waist band you don’t have to buy a new phone holder every time you upgrade.  My waist band stretches around any size phone, my keys, some cash and a maybe a small snack like Sports Beans, Chomps, etc.  I’d love one that held a burger and fries; especially if it kept the food warm,  but I don’t think Shark Tank has invested in anything like that as of yet.

11.   Earbuds rock! I love my earbuds.  They are the only headphones that don’t fall out of my ears.  

12.   A minute can be a long time.  If you don't think a minute is a long stretch of time, you should try running on a treadmill.

13.   It’s better to run on an empty stomach than a full one…Unless, of course, you like the feeling of a heavy stomach and/or tasting your last meal for the entirety of the run.

14.   Only purchase padded sports bras.  Today I returned from my run and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I’m so thankful my neighbors did not come too close or one of my girls could have poked their eyes out.

15.   Every serious runner has crapped their pants at least once.  By those standards, I will admit, I’m not yet a serious runner (in case there was any question.)

I may or may not let you know if/when that status changes.

Saturday morning I was preparing for this week’s meals by looking through my various recipe books.  There was a yummy soup recipe I wanted to cook for our Sunday night dinner, but for the life of me I could not find the cookbook.   I then remembered my husband loaning it out to someone at work and realized this is where it must be. 

I walked back into the bedroom and asked him about it.  He told me he did loan it out, but it was returned a long time ago.  So I said, “Well, did you leave it at your office?”  He says, “No.”  Walking out of the room I mutter pretty accusingly, “Well, it’s not here and I KNOW I didn’t loan it out.”

He followed me back to the kitchen and within a half second he points out the very same cookbook I could not find.  Egg in face and eating crow, I apologized profusely.

I can’t even tell you how many times in my life I have been utterly convinced I am right, only to find out later I was wrong.  It happens, even with our best of intentions.

After my dad passed away my mom told me she was always yelling at him for dropping crumbs all over the house.  But when he was gone she was still finding crumbs.  With a sheepish grin, she looked at me and admitted, it was she who was leaving all the crumbs.

We all make mistakes, and yet we are so quick to blame.  Take it from me, it is a much easier mess to clean up if we hesitate before pointing fingers.   

Having said that….

September 12, 2015…. 9:12 am

This is the date and time I asked my husband to write down.  It is one of the few times he can expect me to be at fault in our marriage.  ;)  

My daughter and I were recently discussing the various aspects of our lives that give and take our energy.  What activities or people make us feel energized and blessed and what things drain our tank? 

For my daughter she feels energized from theatre, singing and spending time with her mom (ahh….kiss ass.)  For me, it is walking/running outside with my dog, practicing yoga, spending time with my family and laughing. 

You know, those laughing fits where you shake from the inside out; your stomach hurts afterwards, but you feel euphoric???

We then talked about the aspects of our lives that leave us feeling drained, tired and unmotivated.  For my daughter it is walking to and from a specific activity and unloading the dishwasher.  :)  For me, it is certain social events, types of work, negative people and social media.

The point of the discussion was not to identify the different areas so we can eliminate the energy suckers and only participate in the energy givers.  It was to draw awareness to both areas so we can be mindful of what feeds our soul.  When we are aware of what gives us energy and what takes our energy we can be more purposeful in our choices. 

One of the yoga instructors at Wanderlust spread her arms out wide and drew an imaginary circle around her body.  She said, “This is my space.  It is my choice what I will and will not allow into my space.  I get to choose when, if and how much you will impact me.”

There will always be people in our lives who drain us.  It is up to us to decide how much and how often we will allow them in.  There will be activities or work we have to do that makes us feel tired.  Sorry my darling daughter, unloading the dishwasher will more than likely always be a part of your life.  There will be times of stress we cannot avoid.   When my parents were sick I did not have a choice whether or not I would allow it to impact me.  However, we do have a choice how we will take care of ourselves in all these scenarios.  Taking a little bit of time every day to do things that give us energy is rightfully ours.  We owe it to ourselves.

We deserve to recharge, no matter what is happening in our lives.    Our loved ones deserve the best version of us.  We can only be our best version if we take a few minutes of our day to make ourselves a priority. 

Spend one minute today thinking about what gives you energy?  What makes you feel proud and accomplished? What leaves you feeling blessed and loving life? 

Make those things a priority.  Do it for your loved ones.  Do it for yourself. 

You deserve it.

Parents all over the country were shedding tears this week as their babies entered their classrooms for the first day of school.   Unashamed, I admit I was one of them.  Only, my baby is not a baby anymore.  He’s a handsome, 17 year old, young man who drove himself to high school for the first day of his senior year.

All day long there were tears ever present at the corner of my eyes.  All I could think was….have I done enough? Have I given him enough opportunities?  Have I adequately prepared him for what is beyond high school?  With more tears, I thought how I would give anything to travel back in time to his elementary school days and relive just one of those years all over again. 

It seems like yesterday I was standing on my neighbor’s lawn and watching my first grader board the school bus.  Many of those days I had to drag him onto the bus as he begged and cried for me not to make him go.  It was a tough time for my kiddos.  Their dad and I were getting a divorce, we moved into a new house in a new neighborhood and Austin began first grade at a new school. 

His first grade teacher, Mrs. Fleck, was a wonderful and kind teacher.  She called me the first week and said Austin had spent a lot of time at his desk crying those first few days.  With amusement, she told me when she tried to comfort him he said “My kindergarten teacher from my old school won an award from Star 101.5 for being the best teacher.”

Austin also started playing soccer when we first moved to Redmond.  Sadly, a broken arm ended his season two-thirds of the way through.  As the doctor was wrapping up his arm in a cast she asked him how he broke it.   When Austin told her it was the monkey bars, she told him she sees lots of hurt little kids because of the monkey bars.  With tears rolling down his cheeks and a whimper in his voice he responded, “Yeah…..they are kinda tricky.”

Over the next several years I enrolled Austin in various activities wanting to see what would stick.  What would this spunky, sweet, blond hair, blue eyed boy love???  He played soccer, basketball, baseball and football.  Eventually, he narrowed his focus and his love to baseball. 

I will never forget when he stepped up to bat one of his first years playing baseball and I could see through his white pants to the planes and cars imprinted on his Underoos.  It was also during those first few years he was usually last in the batting lineup.  Parents may look at me in disgust when I say there were times when the bases were loaded and our team had two outs; I prayed the pitcher hit him with the ball so Austin could take a base.    I could deal with a bruise, not a broken heart.

I will never forget his first home run or the All Star Baseball game when he was intentionally walked.  I will never forget the smile on his face after those games, or what the coaches said about Austin at the end of the season.  No home run or double play can compare to the wonderful things the coaches said about my son. 

When he had finally outgrown wanting to be a gangster and then a skater with his long hair, he eventually arrived in middle school.  Two years after that he was in high school.  My heart hurt and swelled with pride when he struggled trying to find his group of friends.  Drugs and alcohol had become more prevalent in middle school and high school, and Austin wanted no part of it.  He moved lunch tables so the coaches and administration didn’t think he did drugs. 

My heart swelled even more this summer when I realized he found a good group of friends.  Friends who were kind enough to stick out a hand and respectfully introduce themselves to his little sister.

Austin drives now, and has been caught spinning his tires and squealing around the corners.  I’m guessing, though, he won’t be doing that anymore after I told him how much a new set of tires will cost him.  I love the independence he’s gained from driving, but I constantly pray for his safety.  I also miss the conversations we had as I drove him from place to place. 

I laugh remembering one particular conversation while we drove in the car.  He was sharing with me all the awkward stuff they discussed during Sex Education.   It was in that moment I realized he was no longer a little boy.  When I asked him if talking about Sex Ed was awkward because of the cute girls in class he said, “No….when I think about that I have a deep voice in my head saying “Ohhhh yeah!”

Those same cute girls, probably wearing their Lululemon pants, may also have been the cause for some of his distraction during his freshman year of high school.  As is the case with most young men at that age, he struggled to find focus and motivation for school work that first year.    But all it took was a sit down conversation at the dinner table, a list of possible college choices and calculations of the grades he needed the rest of his high school years.  This list is framed and hangs above his desk keeping him focused on what is ahead.

In all honesty, I cannot say whether he’s still distracted by girls in Lululemon pants.  These days, he is as silent as a monk when it comes to discussing girls with his mom.

I will say….any girl would be lucky to date a guy who hugs his mom every night before bed.  Any girl would be lucky to have a guy who thanks his mom for dinner even when it’s his least favorite meal (rosemary chicken.)  Any coach is lucky to have this young man on his team who tries hard, is respectful, responsible and always has a great attitude.  Any college will be lucky to have my son on their campus who believes in kindness, generosity, gratitude and always giving a solid effort. 

So yes, when I think of the young man I have raised, I do believe I have done enough.  He is amazing.  Whatever he does, wherever he goes, the world is a better place because of him.

I would give anything to travel back in time to his first grade year and relive every single moment all over again.

Whether or not he is ready for the world, I may not be ready to let him go.