This is the closest I can come to describing how I’ve felt lately. Not just with the monotony of my day to day tasks and errands, but with life overall. I have felt stuck. Unable to move forward. I’ve had a major loss of motivation. I’ve felt uninspired to write. Unable to do. My future and the vision I have for myself has become this mammoth undertaking and the more I think about it, the scarier it is and the less motivated I’ve become.
Today I sat down and made a list of what I feel is holding me back. Sometimes making lists and writing things down on paper can take the handcuffs off and the weight seem a little lighter. But today as I looked down at my handwriting in my journal, I realize these issues are a little bigger than I had anticipated.
When I think of what I want to be when I grow up and then what is keeping me from moving forward this is what lay as a roadblock in front of me.
- Fear of REJECTION – what if I put everything I am into accomplishing what I dream of and I am rejected???
- Fear of NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH – what if that rejection confirms the fear in me I am and never will be worthy of acceptance and therefore love?
- Fear of discovering I AM A FRAUD – what if I make it and in time the truth reflects I really have no expertise, talent or knowledge?
- Fear of REACHING MY END GOAL – what if I cross the finish line and I feel unfulfilled or unhappy?
- Fear of FAILURE.
These are not small things. They are not items I can cross off in a days’ time and move onto the next. They are ideas programmed into my mainframe that may take years to unwind. But never saying them or admitting to myself these thoughts hold me back, they could keep me from ever moving forward.
Someone once told me…just because you think it doesn’t mean it’s true. JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK IT DOESN’T MEAN IT’S TRUE.
Today I will get off the couch and out from under the covers, try to shut off the self-sabotaging voices and begin facing my fears one by one.