Over the years I’ve learned so many things about motherhood. I’ve learned it is a continuous practice of intuition, patience, guilt, struggle, celebration and love. We do our best without any sort of manual. We make mistakes. We aim to create masterpieces.
Every parent has dreams for their children, visions we hold onto as we ride the turbulent waves day after day. As parents we are challenged and then transformed when we acknowledge our children are unique and beautiful beings who have goals and visions separate from our own. I celebrate my children’s individualism and their courage to be their own person. I also celebrate my children for achieving the most important dreams I had as a mother.
Over the past few weeks my daughter has given me three early Mother’s Day gifts, each gift was a declaration of the beautiful children I have raised.
The first gift was sent to me a couple weeks ago over text. I was lying in bed, watching TV and getting ready to settle in for the night when my phone buzzed. I clicked on my text to see a picture of Kam Chancellor standing in the popular yoga posture, Standing Bow. He had advertised on his Instagram account how he wanted a private yoga instructor. Ryanne’s text said, “You should totally do it!” She told me she was proud of me. Her belief in me filled me up in ways I cannot describe.
Every parent has dreams for their children, visions we hold onto as we ride the turbulent waves day after day. As parents we are challenged and then transformed when we acknowledge our children are unique and beautiful beings who have goals and visions separate from our own. I celebrate my children’s individualism and their courage to be their own person. I also celebrate my children for achieving the most important dreams I had as a mother.
Over the past few weeks my daughter has given me three early Mother’s Day gifts, each gift was a declaration of the beautiful children I have raised.
The first gift was sent to me a couple weeks ago over text. I was lying in bed, watching TV and getting ready to settle in for the night when my phone buzzed. I clicked on my text to see a picture of Kam Chancellor standing in the popular yoga posture, Standing Bow. He had advertised on his Instagram account how he wanted a private yoga instructor. Ryanne’s text said, “You should totally do it!” She told me she was proud of me. Her belief in me filled me up in ways I cannot describe.
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Ryanne gave me her second gift last week as we talked over the phone. She was questioning whether or not she should attend ‘call backs’ that evening for a musical. She had many reasons for not wanting to audition, but one of the reasons was the familiar reason of self-doubt. “I’m sure they won’t pick me. I don’t want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed.” As I coached her through these thoughts, I told her the decision was entirely hers. If she decided not to go, I would support her. It was important for her to know if she auditioned at call backs, it was entirely possible she still wouldn’t get the part she wanted. However, if she didn’t at least try, she was guaranteed to never get the part she wanted. As I said these words to my brave and courageous daughter, I was forced to remember all the times in which I have not lived by my own words. Her bravery inspired me to try and fail, try and fail and keep trying until I have achieved what makes me afraid to fail.
My third gift was delivered last Thursday evening as I dropped her off at her dad’s house. Every other Thursday my daughter has an appointment in Seattle. This means I drive from Redmond, to Renton, to Seattle, to Renton and back to Redmond. The trip starts at 1:00 in the afternoon and lasts until 6:30-7:00 in the evening. I first thought of our Thursday trips as long days with a lot of driving. Within the last few months I have realized how much I look forward to Thursdays with my daughter. The car ride is full of great conversation, catching up, laughter and connection.
This last Thursday it was an even longer day than normal. As I pulled up to my ex-husband’s house to drop my daughter off she turned around and held up her hand to say ‘I love you.’ I held up my hand and returned the sentiment. I waited in the car and watched her as she was letting herself into the house. She then turned to me and mouthed something I could not understand. I rolled down the window and asked, “What did you say?”
She said, “I appreciate you.”
I’ve thought of that moment over the last several days more times than I can count. My eyes well up with tears and I cannot think of any other words that would have meant more to me than those three words.
I. APPRECIATE. YOU.
It feels damn good to be appreciated, better than anything I can come close to describing.
But I would do it all over again even if it wasn’t appreciated. I wanted to raise my kids and give them the best opportunities I could offer. I’ve wanted to raise kids who are kind, courageous, thoughtful, generous and loving. My kids are all these things. My kids are gifts who keep on giving.
My goals for my children have changed over the years. My expectations for myself as a mother have changed just as much. Through it all, I will say, I’ve created two beautiful masterpieces.
This last Thursday it was an even longer day than normal. As I pulled up to my ex-husband’s house to drop my daughter off she turned around and held up her hand to say ‘I love you.’ I held up my hand and returned the sentiment. I waited in the car and watched her as she was letting herself into the house. She then turned to me and mouthed something I could not understand. I rolled down the window and asked, “What did you say?”
She said, “I appreciate you.”
I’ve thought of that moment over the last several days more times than I can count. My eyes well up with tears and I cannot think of any other words that would have meant more to me than those three words.
I. APPRECIATE. YOU.
It feels damn good to be appreciated, better than anything I can come close to describing.
But I would do it all over again even if it wasn’t appreciated. I wanted to raise my kids and give them the best opportunities I could offer. I’ve wanted to raise kids who are kind, courageous, thoughtful, generous and loving. My kids are all these things. My kids are gifts who keep on giving.
My goals for my children have changed over the years. My expectations for myself as a mother have changed just as much. Through it all, I will say, I’ve created two beautiful masterpieces.
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