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Serve your heart...

11/5/2014

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Being a self-professed people pleaser, I have spent most of my life making decisions based on what made other people happy.  In high school I wore a dress to homecoming I hated.  Only because my mom thought I should wear it since it was purchased for a great price at Value Village.   I did favors for people I barely knew because they asked and I couldn’t say ‘no’.  I’ve accepted job opportunities because they wanted me to work there, not because I did.  I have spent most of my life serving others, and not in the way generous, philanthropic people do.  I did it because I thought by making other people happy, I would be happy. 

I kept my dreams quiet and contained within my heart.  They were safe and protected there.  What if I tried….and failed?  Would this mean I would need to let my dream die??  Would it mean I was never going to be good enough to achieve my personal greatness??? 

Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper because he was told he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.  Oprah Winfrey was dismissed from a job as a television reporter because she wasn't ‘fit for TV’.   Jerry Seinfeld walked off the stage his first time because he was booed and jeered.  Steven King was turned down 25 times for his first book, Carrie.  His wife dug it out of the garbage and told him to try one more time.

What if these individuals only served and listened to others never following the dreams that lived in their heart??

Failing…. is never trying at all.

Last night I took a small step towards something I've always wanted to do.  I sat in a room with 15 other writers sharing our passion for the written word.  My heart was beating out of my chest.  I was so struck with emotion I wanted to cry.  As I was leaving, I tried to make sense of these strange and overwhelming feelings.  I realized my heart and my emotions were overflowing because, for the first time, I was serving myself.  I was fulfilling MY dream.

A friend told me today that by doing something that makes me happy, I will then be able to give the gift of making someone else happy.   Making other people happy is and always has been an intrinsic part of who I am.  I finally realized last night, making others happy does not always need to determine my own happiness.

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” Aristotle


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