Out from under the rubble
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • About
  • Test page

July 9, 2014

7/9/2020

1 Comment

 
Picture
It’s been 6 years you’ve been gone.  Gone.  
 
I contemplate if that is the right word to use.  You haven’t really been gone, have you?  I saw you this morning in the ripple of the water.  I see you and dad as I watch this mama and papa bird who live under the sundeck you and dad built.  They work tirelessly day and night taking care of their children.  The mama caws and squeaks so loud at our presence the neighbors can hear her.  I want to tell her “Be quiet mama! We aren’t going to harm your babies!”  But she’s doing what she’s supposed to do, calling out and taking care of her family.  I see you in her loud, angry, protective, reassuring squeaks. 
 
You could be loud at times.  Yelling. Singing, Laughing.
 
I thought of you this morning as I tried to quietly get my coffee from the kitchen as to not wake Austin who sleeps in the bedroom below.  You weren’t quiet in the mornings.  In fact, you were so loud I would wake up angry.  You did it on purpose.  You wanted us ALL to wake up, so we could take you water skiing.  The flat water at Chelan doesn’t wait for those who want to sleep in.  You’d put up with our grumbling, because it was worth your ski.  We’d put up with your need to ski, because it made your day.
 
When I opened the cabinet to choose my coffee mug, there you were again.  Yellow and bright in your school bus glory.  You woke up early to shuttle kids to and from school, and you made the best of it.  Driving sports teams to their events.  Taking the excited sixth graders to Camp Waskowitz as we sang “Peanut, peanut butter. Jelly.”   You always stored your roller blades on the bus, so you could take loops around Greenlake while you waited for the kids to finish their field trip.   You’d come home in the middle of the day, and park that big yellow school bus across the street. I can still picture it my mind, and see you opening the door to step out of your bus.  It always amazed me this little person, like you, could handle a bus that big.
 
But you weren’t little at all, were you?  You were strong and your spirit was large.
 
I’ve thought of you many times this week, as one of your children has not been feeling well.  I call them every day to check in, because I love them. Also, because that is what you would do.  You’d call your babies, checking in, just like the mama bird who lives under your deck.
 
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself, because I want more.  I want more of you than what you can give.  I want the loud, larger than life, loving adoration of my mom…to call, to sing, to ski, to laugh and to love. 
 
But today all I have is the opportunity to reflect on the lessons you and the last several months have taught me. We may not have everything we want, but we must make the best of what we have. 
 
I will see you in the ripple of the lake.  Walk in the hills you loved.  Drink coffee from the yellow school bus. Be reminded of your love as I watch the birds who live under your deck.

1 Comment
Anne
7/10/2020 10:55:58 am

Such a beautiful reflection. I can’t help but well up at the tangible light she brings you, even when she isn’t physically with you. Keep shining, Jill.... she shines through you, and it’s incredible. ☀️

Thank you for sharing your words, your joy, your light.💛

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    About Me

    A daughter and a mother trying to find my way.

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    Family
    Grief
    Health
    Laughter
    Most Popular Posts
    Parenting
    Special Reflections
    Travel

    Archives

    July 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    October 2019
    March 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    September 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014

Proudly powered by Weebly